If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
