You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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