I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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