I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
