Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
