WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
