i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
