I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
