shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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