my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
