What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
