things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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