don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
