So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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