singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
