I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
