Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
