I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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