Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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