so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
