Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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