That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We have so much sex to catch up on
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
