Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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