How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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