A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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