we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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