so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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