Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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