your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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