winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
