I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
