Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
