I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
