we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
