hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
