my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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