i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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