it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
