Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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