I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
