Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
