After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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