420 ftw
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
