what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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