1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
