I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
