Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
