Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
