2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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