I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
