We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
