This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
