btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
