Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
