Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
